The Magic Mouse sucks.

Posted by: on Dec 30, 2009 | 14 Comments
The Apple Magic Mouse

Sluuurrp!

I freely admit I’ve never even tried the new Apple “Magic Mouse”, but I promise you – it totally sucks. Consider this syllogism: All Apple-designed mice suck. The Magic Mouse is an Apple mouse. Therefore, the Magic Mouse sucks.

I firmly believe one of the main reasons PCs overtook Macs in the 80s/90s is because Apple mice have always sucked. It’s not because of open hardware architecture, it’s not because of better software, and it’s not because Microsoft and Intel are evil corporate megaliths. I mean, yes, okay, it’s because of those things. But it’s also because PC mice had two buttons, while Mac mice had – and still have – only have one (or none).

For anyone with a level of computer literacy surpassing that of a Neanderthal, a mouse isn’t really a device for pointing and clicking. It’s a palm-sized keyboard for your right hand. Would you want to use a keyboard with one button? Apparently, Apple thinks you do.

The Infamous Hockey Puck Mouse

Up, down, left, right... it's all the same to me!

The absolute worst offender of all time was the infamous “hockey puck” mouse that came with the original iMacs. It was kind of a miracle: it induced carpal tunnel syndrome and post traumatic stress disorder, simultaneously! Who said OS 9 couldn’t multitask?

The Apple Mighty Mouse

Rub my nipple!

I only despised the Mighty Mouse slightly less. It was such an insipid, mealy-mouthed attempt on the part of Apple to make a poly-button mouse without really making a poly-button mouse. I hated that stupid little nipple on top. I hated the phony right-click that always triggered a left-click.

The Magic Mouse seems like a very, very minor step forward. Sure, the multi-touch gestures are okay, I guess… but without any kind of audio, visual, or tactile response, it’s basically an iPhone without a screen.

The very first thing I do when I buy a new Mac is throw out the mouse. Right now I use a Logitech POS for all my pointing and clicking. It’s an hideous wart next to my beautiful Mac keyboard. The user interface sucks. But at least it’s got programmable buttons. I hold out absolutely no hope for Apple designing a mouse that actually does what a mouse ought to do.

Apple’s “less is more” philosophy is great most of the time. But if you approach every single problem from the same preconceived set of notions, you’re putting ideology ahead of real progress. Whether you’re George Bush or Jonathan Ive, ideology kills.

And old Mac mouse

25 years, and not much has changed.

14 Comments

  1. Juan Ferreyra
    January 20, 2010

    Haha! that is totally true Arvid, this is the MAIN reason I never bought a Mac….
    ahhh I feel relieved that someone thinks the same way I do…

  2. Rvid
    January 29, 2010

    And have you seen the iPad, ObiJuan? What a piece of junk! $500+ dollars for a dumbed-down computer without so much as a USB port? I resent them calling it “magical” when it’s anything but. I resent being treated like an idiot.

  3. Juan Ferreyra
    February 4, 2010

    yeah, that was funny! it´s huge I-phone that you can´t use to call anyone (thanks god , it would look hooribly funny over your ear like that.

    What I would love, would be an I-pad with great power and a nice Wacom pencil to draw on, that would be great, to be able to bring photoshop to any place….

    still dreaming about one of those….

  4. juan ferreyra
    March 5, 2010

    Hey arvid! I’m going to totally amaze you , I’m writing from a macbook with the new magic maouse, and you now what? it comes with a two buttons option! it comes with left and right buttons, it’s amazing, get one it wroks like a charm!

  5. Rvid
    March 6, 2010

    Oh Juan, I’ve lost you!! When did you get the Macbook™?

  6. Keith
    July 9, 2010

    The magic mouse does suck indeed and I do use one unfortunately. Anyone who tells you otherwise hasn’t done 12 hours of detailed graphics work with it. The problem with mice from Apple is that they’re not the right shape for your hand and very very uncomfortable even painful to use for extended periods.

  7. jonah
    August 6, 2011

    and i crashed my imac mouse just a few moments ago to the wall. Since rightclick works sporadically its a piece of junk. Working with the trackpad now … hope it will last longer

  8. Ryan Smith
    March 30, 2013

    I agree with Keith, they’re so uncomfortable on the hand it seems that after you’ve spent thousands on a shiny new Mac they decided to chuck in a horrible, unresponsive, simply designed piece of junk that everyone I knows hates.

  9. Rvid
    March 30, 2013

    I must admit, the multi-touch gestures on the trackpads are GREAT.

  10. Evan
    June 24, 2015

    I totally agree. I love UNIX/Mac OS, but the mouse it comes with AND keyboard are total crap. It amazes me how terrible the magic mouse is.

  11. Arvid
    June 25, 2015

    Unix/Terminal is the best thing about OSX! And I’m a big believer in LaunchBar. In many ways, the mouse is the enemy, period, so maybe having a lousy one is a blessing in disguise…

  12. Bone
    November 14, 2015

    I HATE the POS Apple magic mouse. Every few minutes it swipes to the left and when you swipe back right, it doesn’t return you to where you were, it returns you to the very top of the page from where you were. Turn the swipe fucker off for good. What a pain in the ass. Macs are totally annoying. Sorry I spent the money and went Mac, they really suck.

  13. Arvid
    January 20, 2016

    I’m a die-hard Mac fantatic, it’s too late for me! I didn’t just drink the Kool-Aid, I drank the whole pitcher. I live my life as a warning to others!

  14. Site
    June 14, 2016

    This is true! And no config app really saves this! The mouse is horrible to use! The principle is great but in reality it sucks!

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